How To Love on Your Neighbor (Even if You're an Introvert)

“How do I love my neighbors when I’m an introvert?”

This is one of the most frequent questions I’m asked. There’s a general assumption that hospitality is easier for extroverts than it is for introverts. I’m not so sure about that. Even as a card-carrying extrovert there are plenty of challenges to offering hospitality and loving my neighbors.

One of the reasons I put The Turquoise Table in our front yard is because Tony is an introvert. While having people in our home for parties or get-togethers is natural for me, it’s not so much a blessing for my husband. Taking our gatherings outside to the front yard has minimized the stress that comes with being an introverted host.

Since I can’t speak from an introvert’s perspective, I invited my friend Kendra Broekhuis to share her advice and tips with us. Kendra is the author of Here Goes Nothing: An Introvert’s Reckless Attempt to Love Her Neighbor.

I’m thrilled to have Kendra join us at the table today sharing her top three tips for introverts who want to love their neighbors. 

“Deeply relational, but easily peopled-out.”

That’s what it’s like to be an introvert. And that’s why it can be hard to think about getting to know and love my actual neighbors. I crave deep relationships with other people, but I also crave time to recharge on my own after long days of mothering two tiny people.

I’d like to share a few tips for others who are also easily peopled-out. These are three things that have helped me practice hospitality and get to know my neighbors while respecting my quirky, introverted personality type.

1. Include a start and a general end time in your invitation

When we lived in Chicago, my goal was to invite all our neighbors in our apartment building over for dessert once per month. I taped little fliers on each door that answered the three questions introverts want to know before they commit to socializing:

• Who will be there?
• What food will be there?
• And how long do they have to be there?

1. Keep the duration short and flexible

It can be hard for introverts, or anyone with a busy schedule, to commit to an entire evening together, but almost anyone will commit to something that lasts about an hour. Whenever I invited our neighbors over for dessert, I tried to make it clear they could come and go at their own pace within that hour, or just pick up a dessert and leave if they had something else to get to.

It’s tempting to think that just because you can’t spend an entire week at Disney World with your neighbors that you will never get to know or love them. However, consistent, short chunks of time add up. And short chunks of time may also leave a precious hour at the end of the day for all the introverts to recharge on their own.

1. Incorporate buffers

As an introvert, I also try to incorporate food, my children, and my husband as social buffers to counter the awkwardness I feel around new people. Food – just a simple snack or dessert – gives us something to do besides talking, our kids give us something to look at besides each other, and my husband is an extroverted conversationalist who helps maintain the welcoming feel of the gathering. The tension we live in no matter our personality type is that God loves us as we are, but He also commands us to step outside ourselves in order to love our neighbors.

For introverts, this means recognizing the ways we find beloved quiet for our souls, and the ways we let God stretch us past what feels comfortable.

Grace & Peace,

Kendra

5 Ingredient Tex-Mex Casserole

1 Dish + 5 Ingredients = My Kind of Supper

On occasion we all have just one of those days. You know the kind of day I’m talking about, the one where almost nothing goes as planned and it’s five o’clock and you feel depleted of any shred of inspiration or energy to whip up dinner. The answer to the age-old question, “what’s for dinner, Mom?” can’t be “nothing.”

Not gonna lie, Tex-Mex Casserole is my go-to I got nothing recipe. It’s quick, easy, delicious and looks like you put more time and effort into it than you actually did. Oh, and did I mention that it leaves you with only one dish to clean?

In other words: winning.

Top the casserole with some sour cream, pair it with a simple salad, we like it with a Caesar or our stand-by Spinach Salad. Just like that…cheesy, gooey, yummy Tex-Mex goodness is on the table.

The Littles love this supper. And, on days when I do have the wherewithal, Tex-Mex Casserole is easy to double and makes a family-pleasing dish to take to a friend.

What’s your “I got nothing” supper?

Need ideas getting started on how to love your neighbor? Our friends at The Turquoise Table have a checklist for you here: https://theturquoisetable.com/turquoiselove/

Join The Turquoise Table Community for more ideas on how to love your neighbors.

___

About The Turquoise Table®: Across America, neighbors are getting to know one another at turquoise picnic tables in the most simple place of all - their front yards. The Turquoise Table® has become a symbol of hospitality and connection with friends and neighbors.